And if it isn’t, you might be in trouble.
Take it from someone who made the mistake of getting involved with a married man…a unhappily married man.
In an earlier post, I mentioned that I fell in love with a married man…madly in love with him. We reconnected with each other at a time in our lives when my marriage was over (all I was missing were the divorce papers) and my lover was at a crossroads. It started out harmless (it always does) then grew into confiding and sharing; dreaming and wishful thinking…then, things became physical. We had experiences with each other that we hadn’t had with anyone else, including our spouses.
But this lover was honest with me from the very beginning…he told me in no uncertain terms: “I wouldn’t consider cheating if my wife appreciated me, AND if, at the very least, she had sex with me on the regular. I wouldn’t be here.”
Now, when I first heard that, it was a bit of a kick to the gut. Even though this fling started off as something fun, the reality is most women create some kind of connection in their minds when they have sex with a guy — even if it’s a casual thing. As we got closer, what he told me began to bother me more and more and that (along with the fact that in my heart of hearts, I wasn’t a thoughtless, home-wrecking wench) helped me see the error of my ways and I ended it.
As I mentioned in my post about appreciating your man, men ARE simple creatures. If they get sex regularly and you vary it up a bit on occasion…if he’s a decent guy you’ll have him for life. If not, you may not lose him, but you definitely take the chance of him cheating.
Now, there are great guys out there like my friend H. Samoth, who did a guest post on my blog about bad sex/no sex — H is 1000% committed to his marriage and although his sex life isn’t what he’d like it to be, he isn’t straying. I’m not sure H is the rule…he may be the exception.
But ladies, you don’t have to go down this road at all. I’ve been a wife and I’ve been the other woman (I’m ashamed of that, but it’s true) and although every situation is different, it seems most men just want to be appreciated on occasion and fucked regularly (sometimes well…again, on occasion).
Listened to him with an open ear, offering advice and encouragement.
Sext him in the middle of the day for no reason at all.
Talk to him about “what’s next” in his job or career.
Ask him to play hooky from work to meet you for some “fun.”
Offer to take the kids to their activities so he can relax.
Slip in the shower with him and give him a surprise blow job.
If you don’t pay attention to anything else in this post, hear this: if you aren’t having sex often, that’s a flashing neon sign for your marriage. Sex connects people and if you aren’t having sex, there’s a reason — it may be medical, emotional or physicological, but wives, in particular, don’t bury your heads in the sand and feel relief if you’re husband doesn’t seem to want sex. If he doesn’t seem like he wants sex and you aren’t offering it, there is a chance he isn’t pressed…
…because he’s getting it elsewhere.
Simply Mel 